some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I DEMAND FORESKIN
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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