Me too!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
