"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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