Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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