wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
