Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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