I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
