cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
