"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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