No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
