i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
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Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
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If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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