Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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