haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize