You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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