I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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