It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
