I just pynch a tree in the face
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
