dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
