Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
