Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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