in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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