Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
