There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
