i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
