I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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