She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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