Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
