My room smells like vodka and shame
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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