there's paper in my vomit.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
