idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
