Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
