dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
