I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
