Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Mom said you looked used
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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