If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
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It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
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My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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