I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
