i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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