Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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