she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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