Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
