He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
