one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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