alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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