When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
