what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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