mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
