My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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