Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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