I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
