i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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