Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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