somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
