Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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