It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
