She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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