If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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