you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
