I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
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Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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