I can text with my tongue
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
only if we run a train.
done.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
