wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
