Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
