So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
