the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
