is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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