She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize