There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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