saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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