Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
