Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
