then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's never too late to be topless.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
