u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
