When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
