Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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