i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
