I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
