Sorry, I don't speak sober.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
