People with herpes should wear stickers.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
