sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
