do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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