I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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