I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
