Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
