he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
