five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
