Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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