she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
