My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
