Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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