until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
