he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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