You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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