I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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