You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
